Making Peace with Fire
by WhyUsWriteUs
Summary: From Starkid's musical Firebringer on Youtube. Zazzalil is miserable at The Tribe Group Home. Can an outsider show her a different point of view? Modern AU. High School AU. Femslash. Zazzalil/Jemilla. Mentions of past Keeri/Zazzalil and Swoopsie/Jemilla. Tw: Self harm. Rated M for later chapters. This a gonna be a long one guys. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Zazzalil sat in the bathroom stall, flicking the lighter on and off. She watched the tiny flame flicker in and out of existence with growing frustration. This wasn't doing it. She sighed and ran one hand through her long curly, light brown hair. Her restlessness grew. She tied up her hair. _I should really talk to somebody_, Zazzalil thought and then shook her head. Today was not that day. The petit girl listened quietly for a moment; making sure she was alone in the bathroom. All was quiet except for her own slightly uneven breathing. Zazzalil rolled up one sleeve of her oversized red hoodie. Little brown marks in various stages of healing covered her arm. Burn marks. She really needed to stop doing this to herself. But today was not that day. She sighed again and flicked the lighter to life, staring at the flame for a little bit before touching it to her bare skin. A sharp intake of breath. She held it and then let the flame die. Her skin was red, but the fire hadn't been there long enough to blister. Silent tears fell. She flicked the lighter again just as the bathroom door opened. She kept the lighter lit. The hot metal was starting to burn her thumb, but she was used to it and she didn't want to be caught. The other person in the bathroom flushed and went to the sink. The lighter was still burning. It was really starting to hurt. "Ah!" she exclaimed, unable to keep from reacting to the pain. The lighter clattered to floor and slid out of the stall. _Fuck._ The sink stopped running and she watched a pair of tan TOMS approach her stall door. The person stooped to retrieve her lighter. Zazzalil reacted before she could think, shooting up and wrenching open the stall door.

"Hey that's mine!" She yelled. She hadn't meant to be that loud. Zazzalil looked up into the face of the girl. Great. It was Jemilla. Student body president. Drama club president. She would probably be valedictorian. And to top it all off she was impeccably beautiful and fit. Man, it pissed Zazz off. Today was not her day.

"Obviously," Jemilla scoffed with an indignant look, "You're not allowed to smoke in here. I should really turn you in."

"I wasn't smoking," Zazzalil retorted.

"Oh," Jemilla's expression was disbelieving, "Then what were y—" Her faced changed from mistrust to concern as she noticed Zazzalil's tear streaked face. _God damn it! _"Zazzalil?"

She bolted.

/

Zazzalil didn't go to the rest of her classes that day. She didn't want to talk to anyone, and she definitely didn't want to run into Jemilla again. So she went home. Zazz pushed open the gate of The Tribe Group Home. It was a large, older house that was welcoming enough in its own way. She lived here with 4 other girls and their foster parents (or The Tribe Leaders as everyone called them). Mercifully, no one would be home this early in the day. Zazzalil opened the door to the bedroom she shared with another girl, Keeri. The room was moderately sized with two twin beds on either side. Next to each bed was a bedside table with a lamp. There was also a large chest and the end of each bed for personal belongings. Each side of the room also had a desk and a small dresser. It was the nicest place she'd ever stayed, and she had been in A LOT of homes. She'd been in this particular home since eighth grade and would probably (hopefully) be there until she graduated at the end of the year. All her housemates were nice, as were the Tribe Leaders Clark and Claire. But Zazzalil mostly kept to herself. Keeri was her best friend and the only person she truly interacted with.

Zazzalil walked to left side of the room (her side), collapsed on the bed and curled up in a ball. She stayed there until Keeri came home.

/

"Do you want to talk about it?" Keeri had entered the room to the, sadly, familiar sight of Zazzalil curled in on herself. She waited for Zazz to respond. Sometimes it took a while. The tall blonde girl tossed her bags onto her own bed. One was for the school, the other held her dance clothes. Keeri then took down the two loose buns she kept her hair up in everyday and let her blond hair fall over her shoulders. Still no response from Zazz. Keeri sighed and crossed the room.

"May I?"

She waited…then Zazz scooted over to make room for her. Keeri laid down, spooning Zazz whilst making sure not to touch her harm, just in case. The stayed liked that for another few minutes until Zazzalil spoke. Her voice was hoarse from crying, from yelling earlier, and from general disuse.

"Jemilla almost caught me in the bathroom today," she croaked.

"What? How? What happened?"

Zazzalil recounted the story ending with, "And that bitch took my lighter."

Keeri considered her response. She wasn't as dumb as people thought she was. They always underestimated the foster kids.

After a moment Keeri said, "Maybe that's a good thing?"

Zazzalil shot up into a sitting position, scowling down at Keeri. "A good thing? Seriously?"

Keeri continued quickly, "Well yeah. I mean like now that Jemilla has your lighter. Maybe you can—"

"I have other lighters Keeri."

There was another moment of silence as Keeri's argument fizzled out. Then,

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you is all. Really worried. You haven't been getting better. You need to talk to somebody."

"I talk to you."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I know. I'm working on it. Just please don't say anything to Claire and Clark."

"Zazzalil, I-"

"Please!"

Keeri looked into Zazzalil's now tear-filled eyes.

"Okay."

"Thank you. I love you." I'm going to go take a shower."

Keeri watched Zazzalil with concern as she disappeared out the door and down the hall.

/

The shower sprang on. Zazzalil undressed slowly as the water heated up. _How did I get here?_ Steam rose from the shower. Zazz stepped into the warm spray and reflected on her life. She had a pretty happy early childhood. Her single father raised her after her mother died in childbirth. He was an anthropologist and they traveled all over the world, living amongst and researching different tribes and native peoples. Then, at age ten, her life changed forever.

She turned the water temperature up.

Her and her dad and his team had gone on a months long research trip to Africa. One day, as a local girl around her age was teaching her to build a spear, her father's best friend and research partner had come backing out of the woods. He was dragging something. No, someBODY. He screamed for help. The locals and the rest of the team went running. Zazzalil had stood to run too, but an elderly tribeswoman, Molag, grabbed her hand, pulling her away from the scene, into a hut. Later that night, she learned of her father's tragic death. He had been trampled by a rampaging elephant. There was no way anybody could have survived his injuries.

She turned up the water again, wincing as it became slightly uncomfortable.

Her dad's friend killed himself a short while after they returned to the States. Zazzalil had no living relatives, so into the system she went.

Another turn of the faucet. The heat of the water was definitely hurting her now. But she didn't care.

She lived the stereotypical life of a foster child from that point on. Zazz was bounced from home to horrible home. She never formed any meaningful relationships. She retreated into herself. It wreaked havoc on her psyche. The burning started soon after.

One more turn. The hot water was all the way up now. It was scalding, the droplets turning to tiny pinpricks of pain. The bathroom filled with steam so thick she could barely see. Zazzalil wept silently.

A knock on the door.

"Zazz?" It was Keeri. _Shit, how long have I been in here?_ "Zazz the Tribe Leaders say it's time for dinner."

Zazzalil took a few deep breaths before shouting, "K! Be right down!" in what she hoped was a lighthearted voice and turned off the shower. She dressed in red plaid pajama pants and a maroon sweatshirt, making sure the sleeves stayed down before exiting the bathroom.

/

Zazzalil was the last to the table. Keeri gave her a brief smile as she took her place next to her best friend. Clark and Claire were at either end of the large table. Keeri and Zazz sat on one side. Swoopsie, Tiblyn, and Emberly sat on the other. Everyone was chatting excitedly about there day. Zazz stayed quiet, playing with her broccoli. She wanted to go upstairs but she knew if she left too early, the Tribe Leaders would question her. So she endured. The doorbell rang.

"Hmm, anyone expecting company?" asked Claire sweetly. Everyone shook their heads.

"I'll get it then," volunteered Clark, rising. The table stayed quiet to hear was going on down the hall. Clark unlocked and opened the door.

"Oh hello," he said cheerily, "Are you one of our kid's friends from school? We're just having dinner now. Chicken and vegetables. You're welcome to join us."

"Oh no I couldn't impose." Zazzalil froze with her fork halfway to her mouth. Jemilla. _What the FUCK was Jemilla doing here?_ Keeri was eyeing Zazz. The conversation at the door continued.

"Actually, I would like to speak with Zazzalil for a second. If you don't mind of course Mr-?

"Clark. All the kids just call me Clark."

"Okay, Clark. I just need a few moments. I won't keep her long."

"No problem. I'll get her. Hey Zazz?!," Clark called over his shoulder, "There's a someone at the door for you! Says her name's Jemilla!"

All eyes fell on Zazzalil's reddening face. She closed her eyes. _FUCK. _Zazzalil set her face in what she hoped was an off-putting expression and pushed of from the table. She mumbled a thanks to Clark as she stepped onto the porch with Jemilla, letting the door shut behind her.

It was a chilly late-October twilight. Zazzalil stood barefoot in her pajamas, arms crossed, staring at the chipping paint of the porch floorboards. Jemilla was wearing a pair of jeans, black boots, a black sweater, and a turquoise scarf. Her shoulder length curly auburn hair was pulled up in a ponytail. The epitome of perfect and put-togetherness. As always. It made Zazz sick.

"So what do you want?" asked Zazz pointedly.

Jemilla frowned, "Well hi to you too."

"We're not friends Jemilla."

"I'm just being polite."

"Fine. Hi. Now what do you want?"

Jemilla reached into her jeans pocket and held out her hand. Zazz looked up. Her lighter. She gazed into Jemilla's face for a second. She had a stunning smile. Zazz dropped her eyes and took the lighter.

"Um…thanks."

An awkward pause. Then Jemilla spoke.

"Look Zazzalil. I don't know what's going on. It's none of my business, but if you need help..."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know you're more than people give you credit for. I'm a teachers' assistant. I've seen your grades in science. You're brilliant at it. You could be an engineer. And I know you have an excellent singing voice. We were in choir together before you dropped out. I see how much you care about that girl, Keeri, even though you want people to think you don't care about anything or anybody. I'm sure there's much more about you I don't know. Just as a fellow student, I want you to know that you have value, whether you realize it or not."

Zazz hadn't expected this. Just how long had Jemilla been watching her? The nerve of Jemilla. Trying to be her knight in shining armor. She didn't need her help or want her pity. Zazz opened her mouth to spit back a retort, then closed it again, and murmured a quick "Yeah okay. Gotta go."

"Zazzalil wait!" The door slammed shut.

Zazzalil sprinted down the hall, pass the kitchen, and up the stairs to her room. She threw herself on her bed hoping Jemilla hadn't noticed the angry tears in her eyes and cried herself to sleep, lighter clutch in her fist.

/

Zazzalil woke around midnight. The room was dark. Light snores drifted over from Keeri's bed. Zazz rolled over onto her back, toying with her lighter. It was warm and familiar. Safe. The only constant in her life. As she flicked it on and off, she thought about her interaction with Jemilla. God that girl was such a nosy goodie-two-shoes. Why did she CARE so much? She should learn to mind her own business. And yet, Jemilla had said all that nice stuff about her. The most popular, successful girl at school had NOTICED her. Why was that? Zazzalil decided she wasn't worth it and rolled over into a fitful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

At school the following day, a piece of paper flitted to the floor when Zazzalil opened her locker. She bent to pick it up. It was a neatly folded piece of notebook paper. Opening it revealed a message written in a pink, tidy scrawl:

Zazzalil. If you ever need anything. Anything at all. Feel free to call or text me. No judgement. -Jemilla P.

A phone number was written beneath it.

Pfft. Yeah right. Zazzalil crumpled the paper in her fist and threw it haphazardly into her bag. She didn't want JEMILLA's help of all people. She had Keeri and herself and that was all she needed. Still Zazz could have thrown the note away. But she didn't.

/

When Zazzalil returned to The Tribe after school, there was an official looking envelope on her bed. Claire must have put it there. Zazz's stomach dropped as she read the return address. It was from MIT. This was it. She hadn't told anyone she applied. Not even Keeri. There was no way she could get in. Still, a little sliver of hope glowed deep inside. Zazz hit the envelope under her pillow to open later.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, Zazz was preparing to go out. Keeri had left that morning for a dance competition and would be gone for the next couple of days. There was no one to question her. Zazz grabbed her bag, slipped the envelope into it, shoved her lighter into her pocket and crept out of the house to her favorite place to be alone.

The park was not special. Just quiet and secluded this late on a weeknight. She liked to climb up on the playground equipment to sit in the night air. There wasn't a lot of privacy at home or at school. This was her sanctuary. Sitting cross-legged on the landing at the top of the largest slide, she pulled the envelope out of her bag, not noticing the crushed ball of paper that fell out with it. She took a deep breath before slitting the letter open and unfolding a thick, expensive piece of stationary. She held her phone up to read in the darkness:

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest in our establishment. We regret to inform you—

Her heart sank. _Dammit. _She knew she was stupid to try. How could someone like her ever get into a school like that? She admonished herself for feeding her false hope. Zazz dropped the rejection letter and pulled her knees up to her chest. Tears stung her eyes. After her breathing started to hitch, she pulled out her lighter and pushed up her sleeve.

It really hurt this time. A two-inch long patch of skin on her forearm was raised, red, and blistering. It kept burning long after she'd stopped. Maybe too long. Panic set in. Had she gone too far? She didn't know what to do. As she looked around wildly, she spotted the crumpled notebook paper. She hesitated, then grabbed it and punched Jemilla's number into her phone:

Lake Park. Top of slide. Pls come.

She hit send and down the phone. It was past midnight. Jemilla was a straight A student. No way she'd be up. Her phone vibrated suddenly.

Be there in 15.

Zazzalil felt a little better in spite of herself. She put her head down and waited for Jemilla to get there.

Exactly 15 minutes later, she heard someone climbing the playground equipment. She didn't move. If it was a serial killer, she'd be fine with that too. She had nothing to live for.

"Zazzalil?" Jemilla's voice called to her quietly. As if approaching a hurt wild animal. Zazz raised her head. The tall, beautiful girl was crouched in front of her wearing a sweater, sweatpants, and running shoes. Her short hair was pulled into a ponytail that was a lot messier than usual. Like it had been hastily put up.

Zazz didn't know how to respond. Part of her didn't think Jemilla would actually show up.

"Zazzalil are you alright?"

Zazz shook her head and buried her face in her knees again, point to the discarded letter. She heard Jemilla pick it up. It was quiet as she read.

"I'm so sorry," Jemilla said when she'd finished. Zazzalil lifter her head again, fresh tears streaming down her face. She should feel embarrassed, but she didn't. Just lonely and helpless. Jemilla placed a comforting hand on Zazz's knee but eyed the lighter laying next to her. Zazzalil held her breath.

"Zazz did you?"

Zazzalil nodded.

"May I see it?"

She hesitated.

"Please. I just want to help. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. I won't tell anyone unless I absolutely have to. I promise."

Zazzalil's teary brown eyes shown into the darkness as she searched Jemilla's face for any sign of insincerity. Finding none, she took a shuddering breath and pulled up her sleeve. Jemilla shined her phone light on it.

"Oh Zazz," she murmured sympathetically when she saw what the petit girl had done to herself. Jemilla inspected the damage, apologizing when Zazzalil winced at her touch. Then she slowly started to pull supplies out of a small bag Zazz hadn't noticed before.

"Well the good news is," Jemilla stated as she started spreading antiseptic on gently on Zazzalil's burn, "I won't have to tell anybody. You're going to be fine. My dad's a paramedic, He taught me all about recognizing and treating minor injuries."

Zazzalil released a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and watched Jemilla fix her up. After her arm was bandaged, Jemilla pulled her sleeve back down, put her supplies away, and sat down next to Zazz. She waited for Zazz to speak, watching her face expectedly.

"Thank you," Zazzalil said after a moment, "Keeri is out of town and I guess I just freaked out. I'm sorry it's so late."

"It's alright. I meant what I said when I gave you my number. Anything you need."

Zazzalil nodded, fiddling with her lighter. Jemilla took note of it but said nothing. Zazz spoke again.

"How did you—"

"Know that you were hurting yourself? Well after what happened in the bathroom at school yesterday and they way you reacted when I came to your house, it wasn't hard to figure out. But…I also come from a place of personal experience."

Zazzalil raised her eyebrows. She hadn't expected this. Not from Jemilla of all people. The taller girl rolled up one leg of her loose sweatpants to mid-thigh and shined her phone light on it. Zazz leaned in. Her mouth dropped open in shock. Thin, white scars were barely visible on Jemilla's tanned skin. Zazzalil looked at Jemilla as she rolled her pants down, waiting for her to explain.

"I was thirteen. A perfectionist. A ball of anxiety and stress. That was how I dealt. One day. I went too far. My mom found me bleeding out on the bathroom floor. I spent a week in a psychiatric hospital and the next few years in therapy. Eventually, I was able to stop. It's been two years since the last time. I'm lucky to have such supportive parents. I've never told anybody else."

Zazzalil took a moment to take it all in. She was coming to the realization that maybe her and Jemilla had more in common than she originally thought.

"Well thank you for sharing that. Your secret's safe with me. I'm sorry you went through that. Your…your parents sound great."

"They are. I'm really grateful they adopted me when I was 5."

The word hit Zazzalil like a smack to the face. _Adopted_.

"You were adopted?'

"Yes. My birth parents died when I was very young. I spend a couple of years in the system and then got adopted. I was so grateful that when I started school, I swore to be the best that I could be. To work hard and be perfect so they would never regret it."

"That makes sense."

They really were like two sides of the same coin. Zazzalil told Jemilla about her father and her past. About her group home and the Tribe Leaders. Jemilla got a kick out of that. It was almost 3 A.M. when Jemilla said, "You know Zazz. I could help you apply to other schools. Local ones, maybe. And I'm sure we can convince your science teacher to write you a recommendation letter. That could help a lot."

Zazzalil hadn't expected that. Frankly, she had forgotten all about the school thing.

"I don't know…"

Jemilla stood up and offered Zazz a hand. She took it, allowing the taller girl to pull her up.

"Just promise me you'll think about it."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Thank you. Let me walk you home."

Less than ten minutes later, they were standing in front of The Tribe's gate. Zazzalil fiddled with her bag strap.

"Thanks for coming Jemilla. Could you…uh…text me when you get home? I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you." The last sentence tumbled out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying.

Jemilla smiled and pulled Zazz into a hug. The smaller girl froze, then allowed herself to relax into Jemilla's warm embrace. The only other person she ever hugged like this was Keeri. Eventually, Jemilla pulled back with her hands on Zazz's shoulders.

"I promise," she said with another dazzling smile.

The tall girl turned on her heels and set off at a brisk walk up the street. Zazzalil watched until she turned the corner out of sight.

That night, as she was laying in bed, she wondered if this would all be a dream in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days later, Jemilla was banging on a bathroom stall door.

"Come on Zazz open up."

"No!'

Zazzalil was sobbing loudly in the bathroom stall, lighter in hand. She had just learned that she might not graduate on time. If she didn't graduate this year, there was nothing the Tribe Leaders could do. She would have no place to go.

Jemilla had been running an errand for a teacher at the front desk when Zazzalil had come tearing out of the counselor's office in tears. She excused herself and sprinted after her. By the time she reached the bathroom, Zazzalil had already barricaded herself in a stall.

"Zazz please talk to me!"

"You wouldn't understand!"

"You really think that? After everything we've been through this week?"

"This is different."

"I can go see if I can pull Keeri out of class."

"No don't do that. Just go away."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Suit yourself." The lighter clicked.

"Zazzalil please no! You don't have to do this. You're not alone this time."

A pause, then a latch unlocking.

Jemilla pushed open the bathroom door and could immediately tell Zazz was in a bad place. Fat tears rolled down her splotchy cheeks. Her breathing was quick and uneven. She had her lighter in one hand and her opposite sleeve pulled up, Jemilla's bandage still on there from the other night.

Jemilla steadied herself and spoke in a clear, careful voice not wanting to set Zazz off.

"Zazzalil give me the lighter."

The petit girl gripped it tighter and shook her head.

"Zazz please. If you light that bandage on fire, then I'll be forced to tell someone. We both know you don't want that."

Zazz hiccuped, flicked the lighter on…then let it go out and dropped it into Jemilla's open palm with renewed sobs. Jemilla pocketed it.

"Good. Thank you. I'm proud."

Zazz cried harder.

"C'mere."

Jemilla pulled Zazzalil up to switch places with her, then pulled the small girl onto her lap, cradling her. The usually feisty Zazz just sobbed openly into Jemilla's shoulder, her arms wrapped around the taller girl's neck. Jemilla made soothing noises and rubbed her back. They stayed like that for a full ten minutes. Finally, Zazz began to calm down. She stopped crying but didn't let go of Jemilla. The bell rang. Lunch time.

"Come on Zazz. I'm going to take you home."

Zazzalil shook her head and tightened her death grip.

"Come on," Jemilla repeated, "If you won't walk, I'll carry you out. In. Front. Of. Everyone."

Zazzalil's head popped up.

"You wouldn't dare," she said thickly.

"She speaks! And I so would. Don't test me."

Knowing Jemilla's stubbornness, Zazzalil peeled herself off of her and they headed to the front office together. Jemilla insisted on holding Zazz's hand so she couldn't run away. People stared. Zazz kept her head low and held onto Jemilla's arm.

Jemilla took care of everything in the office. She had quite a pull with the staff. They were in her car in no time.

"So? Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jemilla asked as she backed out of the parking lot.

Zazzalil took a deep breath and started to recount what the counselor had told her before dissolving into fresh tears. Jemilla comforted her the best she could whilst driving. They didn't speak again until they were parked in front of the group home. Jemilla started to get out.

"What are you doing?" Zazz questioned, looking puzzled. She had been under the impression that Jemilla was going to drop her off.

"Well I'm obviously not going to just leave you here alone. I cleared it with the school. I got all our assignments for the rest of the day. I'm going to stay here with you. At least until Keeri comes home."

Zazzalil opened her mouth to protest, then shut it again. She really didn't want to be alone. So she let Jemilla follow her inside and up to her room. She opened the door and tossed her bag on the floor. Under any other circumstances, she would have been embarrassed for a girl like Jemilla to see the state of her and Keeri's living quarters. The Tribe Leaders only did inspections once a week and neither girl was tidy by nature. Zazz collapsed face down on her bed. Jemilla seated herself in Zazzalil's desk chair and whipped out her phone. The girl on the bed didn't move. Jemilla, ever studious, began on some homework. A while later, the doorbell rang. Zazzalil finally sat up, confused.

"I don't—"

Jemilla grinned sheepishly, "I ordered us food. We skipped lunch remember?"

Zazz's stomach rumbled. Jemilla giggled and Zazz cracked her first smile of the day.

"I can get down with that."

/

They ate their takeout in Zazz's room. That normally wasn't allowed but as long as Zazz disposed of the evidence before the Tribe Leaders got home it wouldn't matter. Jemilla had gotten them Chinese: a box of chow mein and rice for herself and a bowl of orange chicken and fried rice for Zazzalil. When Zazz had questioned Jemilla's food choice for her, Jemilla told her that when she stopped by the other night, Clark had invited her in for chicken and vegetables. She figured it was a safe bet but had ordered an extra side of noodles in case Zazz was a vegetarian like herself. Zazzalil gaped in surprise. Jemilla really did think of everything.

After their lunch was finished and discarded, Jemilla decided it was time to try to talk to Zazz about what had upset her earlier. Zazzalil was able to tell her the whole story this time. How the counselor had said that whilst Zazz's science grades were excellent and her math grades decent, her other grades were sub-par. Especially in history. She would have to pass the class with an A to be able to walk with her other classmates at the end of the year. Jemilla listen attentively.

"…and I HATE history. Why should I care what some old dudes did a bajillion years ago? It's SO hard to pay attention. I just zone out. I don't know what to do." Her voiced hitched at the end.

Jemilla rose from her chair to set on the bed next to Zazz and put a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Well I do," she said reassuringly, "I will tutor you personally."

Zazzalil searched Jemilla's face. She wasn't lying.

"You would do that? For me?"

"Of course. You've grown on me rather quickly Zazzalil." She smiled. Zazzalil blushed and dropped her eyes from the pure brilliance of it.

"Well…thank you, Jemilla. Can we start tomorrow? I don't think my brain can handle any more strenuous activity today."

Jemilla chuckled, "Whatever you want."

This time, it was Jemilla's turned to be surprised when Zazzalil hugged her tightly.

That was when Keeri walked in.


	4. Chapter 4

"Um, what the fuck?" Keeri stood, disbelieving in the doorway. Zazz and Jemilla sprang apart in embarrassment.

Jemilla spoke quickly, "Oh hey Keeri! I'm glad you're here actually. Well Zazz I see you're in good hands, so I'll be going now. See you tomorrow!" Jemilla practically ran out of the room. Keeri stared after her then turned to Zazz.

"Care to explain?"

Zazzalil told her everything starting with the night in the park. She included the rejection letter but left out Jemilla's backstory because it wasn't hers to tell. She told her about earlier that day, about what the counselor said, and about Jemilla's offer. Keeri listened the whole time, quietly munching on the extra side of noodles Zazz had saved her. Zazz finished with, "I don't really understand why Jemilla wants to help ME of all people?'

Keeri snorted and choked on her noodles. Zazz wacked her on the back. When Keeri could breathe again she spoke, "Well isn't it obvious? Jemilla likes you. Like, she like-likes you."

It was Zazz's turn to snort, "'Like-likes?' Come on. We're not in first grade. Besides, I doubt Jemilla even likes girls."

"Oh she likes girls."

"And how could you possibly know that?"

"Well I like girls and my gaydar is impeccable," Zazz rolled her eyes. "And you like girls but you just assume all of them are straight. Then there's Swoopsie."

"Our super butch tribemate Swoopsie? What does she have to do with Jemilla?"

Keeri hesitated, then seemed to make up her mind about something.

"Okay so listen. Last summer I was up at the school for dance rehearsals. As I was walking through the parking lot, I saw a car and it, like, drew my attention because it was summer and there weren't many cars in the parking lot and I didn't mean to look really but—"

"Oh my god Keeri get on with it!"

"IsawSwoopsieandJemillamakingoutinthecar!"

Zazz hopped up, "You WHAT? And this was LAST summer? And you never told me? What the fuck? I'm your best friend!"

"I know. I know. I wanted to tell you, like, immediately. Duh. But Swoopsie beat me home and cornered me. She made me swear not to tell a soul. And I didn't…until today." Keeri looked mighty proud of herself. "You cannot tell her I told you. She will literally murder me."

"I won't but…wow." Zazz was speechless. Her mind was racing.

She'd never had a girlfriend before. Well, except for Keeri if that counted. They had mutually decided that they were better off as friends, considering their living situation. Now they were more like sisters. Jemilla though, she was different. She was way out of Zazz's league in more ways than one. And yet…she thought back to the past couple of days. Keeri watched her deep in thought.

"I'm going to take a shower. It helps me think. I'll be fine though. I promise," she said, noticing Keeri's worried look.

/

After Zazzalil's (perfectly normal thank-you-very-much) shower and dinner, she flopped back down on her bed preparing to text Jemilla. Keeri's revelation made this situation way more complicated. She was good at reading people and Zazz trusted her sister's judgement. She thought of Jemilla. She was gorgeous, toned, smart, compassionate. Definitely girlfriend material. But was Zazz? What did she bring to the table? She gathered her courage and sent Jemilla a casual text.

Z: Hey

Less than two minutes later:

J: Hey! Is everything alright?

Z: Ya im good.

J: Great! glad to hear you're feeling better.

Zazz smiled in spite of herself.

Z: Thx. Ur a saint Jemilla. How r u?

J: Don't flatter me ha ha. I'm not all that. I just care you know?

J: Also I'm good. It was sweet of you to ask.

Z: No prb. So tmmrw? Wanna tutor me after skool? Mayb ur place? It gets loud here.

J: Sure! That's a great idea! See you tomorrow! Goodnight!

Z: Night.

Zazzalil sighed and fell asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in forever.

Author's Note: Thanks Tater for beta-ing this piece of shit.


	5. Chapter 5

After school the next day, Zazzalil perched on the hood of Jemilla's car, waiting. She had taken more time than usual to get ready this morning. Her long, curly, light brown hair had been brushed back into a side ponytail and held with a crossbones-shaped clip. Instead of her usual sweatpants/t-shirt combo, she sported black skinny jeans, red converse, and a grey crop top with a long burgundy cardigan thrown over it. Keeri had taken one look at her and smiled so smugly that Zazz threw her hairbrush at her. It wasn't like she was trying to impress Jemilla. Nope. Not at all. She was simply feeling better lately.

She hadn't seen Jemilla all day though. That was typical. They didn't share any classes or extracurriculars so it was unlikely they would cross paths. She couldn't contain her smile as Jemilla appeared, rushing down the front steps of the school. Her short, auburn curls bounced around her face. Ever fashionable, she wore a blue plaid skirt, black tights and flats, and a blue form fitting top. She was truly stunning. As a friend.

Zazzalil hopped off the hood as Jemilla approached, arms weighed down with thick books.

"Hey Jmills! Let me help you with that."

Jemilla raised an eyebrow at the nickname, but she transferred the textbooks to Zazz so she could get her keys.

"Cute outfit. Wow you're strong," she commented, noticing the smaller girl was having a much less difficult time with the load.

Zazz blushed. "Yeah well thanks I guess," she said, trying to play it cool. "What is all this stuff anyway?"

"Extra study material. For the tutoring."

Zazzalil groaned. She'd briefly forgotten the reason she was hanging out with Jemilla in the first place. She glanced down at the books.

"Are we even going to be able to get through all of this by the end of the year?"

"Of course! It's going to be a lot of effort. But lucky for you, I'm no stranger to hard work."

She groaned again mumbling, "Lucky me."

/

Jemilla lived in a big white house in a middle-upper class suburb about twenty minutes from the school. It didn't have as many rooms as The Tribe, but it was still quite spacious for a single family of three. The girls deposited their shoes on a rack by the door and headed up a flight of stairs to Jemilla's room. Zazz followed her in, looking around. It was definitely the room of an only child who had lived there a majority of her life. It was bigger than the one Zazz and Keeri shared. White shelves containing many trophies and awards lined the light blue walls. A queen-sized bed sat in one corner juxtaposed by a large black bean bag in the other. She had a large desk, on which sat a very expensive laptop. Another wall was home to a formidable bookcase, the shelves housing what looked like a couple hundred books. She had her own bathroom and a walk-in closet. Just as Zazz had expected, it was extremely clean and organized.

"Wow Jmills," she whistled, " Really living that 'Daddy Warbucks' life aren't cha?"

Jemilla chuckled, slightly embarrassed, "I'll take that as a compliment. Ready to get to work?"

"Uuuuuuuuugh! Do we have to?"

"Yes! Besides, I have a surprise for you!" She rummaged through her backpack and turned around squealing, "Flash cards!"

Zazz rolled her eyes.

/

Two hours later, someone knocked on Jemilla's door. Zazzalil slammed shut the book in her lap, thankful for the interruption. Her brain was exploding.

"Come in," Jemilla called out.

A tall, handsome black man with friendly face entered the room. He was wearing an emergency services uniform. He smiled at Zazz.

"Hello," he said in a deep yet hospitable voice. "I'm Jemilla's father, Mr. Pockmacker. You can call me Mr. P." He offered her a hand. She shook it.

"Hi. I'm Zazzalil…um…Zazz for short."

"What's up Dad? We're studying." The normal mild mannered Jemilla did not like her study time interrupted.

"I can see that honeybuns." Jemilla flushed. "But your mother wanted me to tell you that dinner is ready. Zazzalil you're welcome to stay."

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Let me just text my foster parents."

"Wonderful!" He left, shutting the door behind him.

"'Honeybuns,'" Zazz mocked as she pulled out her phone.

Jemilla buried her face in her hands, "Oh my god he is SO embarrassing!"

"I think he's great." She stretched and followed Jemilla downstairs for dinner.

/

The food was amazing. Mrs. P. was an excellent cook, much like Claire. Zazzalil ate two helpings of vegetable stew. For dessert, they carried two bowls of vanilla ice cream back upstairs.

"I'm surprised such a neat-freak like you eats in her room." Zazz shoveled ice cream into her mouth.

"Ha. Ha. I usually don't," said Jemilla, taking small, calculated spoonfuls of her own dessert. But it's unlikely to stain and won't leave crumbs. Besides, I don't mind making an exception for you." She winked. Zazz swallowed hard then clutched her head, nursing a painful brain-freeze.

/

They tried to go get back to work, but Zazz could literally not handle anymore information, so she texted Clark to come get her. The girls were both relaxing on Jemilla's bed now and taking turns telling interesting stories about their past. The taller girl lay on her side. Zazz sat cross-legged at the end of the bed perpendicular to her. It had been a long day and she was finding it extremely hard to focus on the conversation. Her eyes wandered down Jemilla's face, taking in her bright, intelligent eyes, noticing the way her mouth formed around her words. She traced her curves, attention captured by the dip in her hips and her long, slender legs. The sound of her name pulled the petit girl out of her reverie. Oh, shit. Jemilla had asked her something.

"Zazzalil?"

"Uh. Yeah?"

"I said, 'What are you staring at?'"

Damn she was blunt. "Oh um… nothing." Shit. She dropped her gaze.

"Mhmm. Then what were you thinking about?"

You. "Nothing."

Suddenly Jemilla was right next to Zazz. She placed a hand over hers. Her eyes bore straight into her sole like she knew exactly what the smaller girl had been staring at and what she had been thinking. Zazz's breathing faltered. Jemilla laughed.

"Come on. Get your stuff together. Clark will be here soon."

/

The girls were already outside when Clark pulled up.

"Hey there, Jemilla. Nice to see you again."

"The pleasure's all mine Mr. Clark." She waved to Claire who was riding passenger. "You must be Claire. Nice to meet you."

Zazz feigned gagging as she climbed into the backseat. Jemilla shut the door for her. She rolled down the window.

"Thanks for everything."

"No problem. I'm happy to help. Plus, the company's not too bad either." She unexpectedly pecked Zazzalil on the cheek. "Have a good night Zazz!" She turned and strode back into the house.

Zazzalil watched her go, stunned, holding her cheek as Clark pulled away.

"Oooooo what was that?" Claire gushed.

"Nothing!" she shouted defensively and then, more quietly, "She's just a friend."

"Yeah okay. Well your FRIEND is welcome over anytime. Just make sure to keep your door open."

"Claire!"

When they got home, she raced up the stairs to tell Keeri.


	6. Chapter 6

They had only met up one other time in the three weeks since their first study (date?) session. Zazz thought it went well enough, but it didn't last as long. Midterms were approaching and Jemilla was on edge. She decided it was best to just leave her alone. They weren't texting much either.

She moped around The Tribe, pining. Keeri found it both cute and annoying as hell. Zazz was such a hopeless gay. She'd never admit it though. The Friday night before midterms, Keeri managed to convince her to come out of their room and join the rest of The Tribe for an intense game of Uno. About halfway through, Zazz's phone rang. Jemilla was calling her. That was unusual but didn't stop her from springing up and knocking over her chair as she answered it.

"Hey Jmills! Long time no—"

*sniff*

Zazz's heart plummeted into her gut. "I'm coming over."

She muttered a hasty excuse and apology to the Tribe Leaders before hurtling up the stairs. She slipped her bare feet into her Converse, threw a jacket over her pajamas, and raced out the door, promising to text Keeri as it slammed behind her.

It was 9pm, but she was numb to the cold as she sprinted towards Jemilla's house. _I should have seen this coming. _She had been so caught up in her own feelings that she hadn't thought about how Jemilla would be handling the stress of senior midterms. She had shared that night in the playground that academic stress, the desire to be perfect, was her trigger. Zazz hadn't once asked how she'd been handling it. _Goddammit! Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay._

It was usually a half-hour walk to Jemilla's. Zazz made it in ten. Huffing and puffing, clutching a stitch in her side, she rang the doorbell. Nothing. She knocked. Her phone dinged.

J: Spare key under mat.

Zazz found the key and turned the lock. The house was dark and quiet. She removed her shoes and jacket, throwing them to the side haphazardly. She took the stairs two at a time. Jemilla's door was open just a crack. "Jmills?" she called softly, pushing the door open. Oh no.

Jemilla's normally neat room looked like the Tasmanian devil himself tore through it. Her whiteboard calendar was ripped off the wall. Her planner lay halfway off her bed with pages missing. A large surface of the floor was covered in balled up pieces off notebook paper, yellow flyers for the End of the Year bake sale, and books that looked like they had been thrown, laying in a way that would definitely damage their spines.

Zazzalil was just starting to wonder where Jemilla was when she heard crying from the bathroom. She picked her way through the mess and knocked rapped on the door. "Jmills I'm here." No response. "I'm coming in." She turned the nob and stifled a gasp.

Jemilla was sitting in the empty bathtub, her knees pulled up to her chest, head buried between them, breath coming in hitching sobs. She couldn't see her face but her usually well-manicured hair stuck out wildly. However, what scared Zazz the most were the two thin streams of blood running from Jemilla's left thigh. A razor blade lay abandoned on the edge of the tub.

"Oh Jmills."

She approached cautiously and climbed into the tub, sitting opposite Jemilla. It would have been a tight fit if she wasn't so small. She put one hand on her knee and another on the back of her head, smoothing her hair and cooing quietly as Jemilla rocked back and forth.

"Shh. It's okay. I'm here now. You're gonna be okay. I'm here."

They stayed like this for what seemed to be hours. Zazz would sneak a peek at her thigh occasionally, but it looked like the bleeding had stopped so she decided to deal with it after Jemilla calmed down. Eventually she stopped rocking. Her breathing slowed and her sobs turned into quiet tears. Zazz waited.

"Jemilla?"

The girl lifted her auburn head and the most pitiful, tear-filled eyes Zazz had ever seen met hers. It broke her heart. Jemilla opened her mouth to speak before falling apart again. She wrapped her arms around her.

"Shh J. It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I can put together what happened but…I really need to take care of your injuries now okay?"

Jemilla nodded and pointed towards the sink. She climbed out of the tub and rummaged through the cabinet until she found a roll of gauze, a handful of cotton balls, and a bottle of peroxide. She turned around and kneeled beside the tub. Jemilla had retreated back into herself.

"May I see?"

She shook her head.

"Please."

The taller girl didn't raise her head but stretched out her left leg. Zazz steadied herself and got to work. The two small cuts weren't deep and the bleeding had stopped a long time ago. That was a good sign. Zazzalil soaked a cotton ball with peroxide, warning Jemilla about the sting before, she pressed it to her skin. Her leg twitched a little on contact, but otherwise she didn't move. Zazz wrapped the gauze around her thigh and Jemilla pulled it back up to her chest.

She cleaned up the supplies, deciding to toss the razor in the sink, rinse it, and leave it there to deal with later. Then she went into the bedroom and cleaned up the best she could, shoving most of the mess on the floor to the sides and clearing the bed. She returned to the bathroom and lifted Jemilla out of the tub, wedding style. Zazzalil was surprisingly strong for her size and Jemilla was surprisingly lightweight for her height. She crossed the room and laid the girl on the bed where she curled into a fetal position. She looked down at her hesitantly before Jemilla nodded. She climbed into bed with her, cradling her from behind. Keeri had down this for her so many times it felt strange to be on the other side of the situation. They lay like that for a long time. Jemilla was so quiet Zazz thought she had fallen asleep. Then she spoke.

"I'm sorry," she croaked.

"No, it's okay. It happens."

"I'm a bad person."

Zazz chuckled lightly, "You are not a bad person. You are like, the least bad person I know. You just made a mistake. Mistakes happen."

"Not to me."

"To everyone."

More silence.

"Hey Jmills, where are your parents?"

"Out of town for the weekend."

"Oh…well…maybe I should take you to a hospi—"

She flipped around suddenly, almost smacking her in the face. Soon she was nose to nose with a red-eyed Jemilla.

"Zazzalil please no. I promise I don't need to go. I just forgot to take my meds today. You can check for yourself. Please don't take me there."

She searched her pleading face and decided she believed her.

"Okay. But I'm not leaving you here alone."

/

Zazzalil had left Jemilla on the bed to go into the hall and text Clark. She ran a hand through her hair. She was trying to decide how to phrase this without raising alarm. Eventually she settled on:

Z: Hey Clark. Can I bring Jemilla over for the weekend? Her parents are out of town and she doesn't want to be alone."

Five minutes passed.

C: That's fine.

She sighed with relief, smiling a bit to herself. When she returned to the room, Jemilla was sitting up. She cocked her head to the side like a puppy. It was damn adorable.

Zazz cleared her throat dramatically and tooted an imaginary trumpet. "Jemilla Pockmacker! Today is your lucky day! It seems you have become an honorary Tribe Member for the weekend."

"But—"

"No buts! I cleared it with the Tribe Leaders. You have no choice."

Jemilla pouted but didn't protest. Zazzalil began packing her an overnight bag, holding up certain items of clothing for approval and throwing in her toiletries. She helped her into some sweats to cover the bandaged and tied her hair up for her. Then she slung the duffle over her shoulder, grabbed her hand, and lead her to the front door. Jemilla grabbed her car keys from the hook. Zazz gave her a pointed look and the taller girl immediately placed them into the smaller one's open palm.

The drive back to The Tribe was short and quiet. Zazz had her license, but no car, so she needed to focus on the road. Jemilla rested her head against the cool glass of the passenger side window, closing her eyes. When they pulled up to the group home, Zazz gently shook her awake.

"Jmills we're here."

She stretched and nodded, but then froze, looking out towards the house.

"It's okay," said Zazz sensing her growing unease. "No one will question you. Clark is good about reading situations. You'll be fine here. I promise." She took a page out of Jemilla's book and pecked HER on the check this time before getting out, grabbing the bag from the backseat, and leading them into the house.

It was after midnight. The house was pitch black. Everyone had gone to bed. Zazz opened the door to her room. Keeri was asleep facing the wall. There was a blow-up mattress covered with a blanket and pillow pushed up against Zazz's bed. Claire's doing.

It had been a long few hours for both of them. They were exhausted. The girls climbed into their respected beds. She turned out the light.

"'Night Jmills."

"Goodnight Zazz. Thank you for everything."

/

Around 2am, vibrations against Zazz's bed woke her up. Jemilla was shaking in her sleep. Still half unconscious, she climbed down onto the mattress to hold her and fell back asleep.

That was how Keeri found them in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

Keeri stared down at Zazz cuddling Jemilla on the air mattress wondering what the fuck was going on. She didn't like to be out of the loop, but it must be serious for the Tribe Leaders to allow this. She watched Zazz sleeping peacefully, her nose buried in the taller girl's hair. She couldn't help being a little bit jealous, but she wasn't blind. They belonged together and she just wanted her best friend to be happy. She made as little noise as possible as she went downstairs to make coffee.

When she returned around 10 a.m. both girls were still fast asleep. She reached over Jemilla to lightly shake her sister awake.

"Zazz…psst…Zazz" she whispered.

The small girl stretched and yawned, "Yeah?"

"Look I know you're sleeping peacefully with your girlfriend and all but if Claire comes in here and sees…" she gestured vaguely, "this. She's gonna flip."

"She's NOT my girlfriend," argued Zazzalil as she detangled herself from Jemilla who rolled over but didn't wake.

/

Zazz and Keeri went outside to talk on the front porch. They sat on a bench, wrapped in blankets against the chilly morning wind. The smaller girl nursed a mug coffee in her numb fingers as she filled her sister in on what happened the night before, omitting the self-harm stuff.

"Wow," said Keeri when she had finished, "I never would have expected."

"Me neither. I just want her to have fun this weekend. She deserves it. Will you help me?"

"Of course."

"You're the best." They hugged.

/

When they returned to their room, Jemilla was sitting up on her phone. She looked up and smiled.

"Hey you," Zazz said, returning her smile.

"Hey yourself. Hi Keeri."

"Hey."

"Feeling better?" asked Zazz.

"Loads."

"Good. Let's go hunt up some breakfast. I'm starving."

/

A skinny girl with black hair and large glasses was bopping about the kitchen when the three of them entered. It was Emberly, another Tribemate. She was hard-of-hearing, but a master chef. Zazz tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention. The girl turned and moved her hands excitedly.

"_Good morning!"_ she signed.

"_Good morning,"_ Zazz signed back more slowly. _"Mind whipping up something for three more?"_

Emberly looked over Zazzalil's shoulder at Jemilla who waved politely. She grinned.

"_No problem. I'll just make enough for the whole Tribe. Everyone should be down eventually anyway."_

"_Great thanks! Jemilla is a vegetarian like Keeri."_

"_Gotcha!"_

The girls sat at the table as Emberly prepared breakfast.

"I'm amazed you know sign language Zazz," Jemilla praised looking quite impressed indeed.

She turned pink. "Yeah well. There's a bunch of cool stuff you don't know about me," she said feigning confidence.

Keeri snorted into her orange juice.

"Actually, the whole Tribe learned the basics of ASL when Emberly came. She can read lips, but the Tribe Leaders thought it'd be good to make it as easy as possible for her in the house," Zazz explained.

"Aw. That's sweet," Jemilla placed a hand over hers. She flushed magenta and cleared her throat.

"So, what do you want to do today?" she eagerly the subject.

"Well I usually go for a run on Saturdays."

"Ha. Not gonna happen. We could go on a WALK in the park though. There's the duck pond. Maybe we could feed them if they're still around this late in the year."

"That sounds lovely."

"Did somebody say ducks?" asked a voice said from the doorway. It was Tiblyn, another Tribemate. She was a cute black girl with long braided hair and an obsession with birds. She pulled up a chair next to Keeri. Zazz explained about their plans to go to the park later, inviting her along.

"Yeah I—ouch!" Tiblyn cried, reaching for her shin. Keeri had kicked her under the table.

"Sorry Zazz. Tiblyn and I have plans today. She said she'd help me come up with some new choreography inspired by birds. Remember Tib?" she said flashing her eyes quickly from Zazz to Jemilla. Tiblyn finally took the hint and apologized for not being able to accompany the two girls to the park.

Just then, Emberly swooped in with several plates of food. She placed a huge stack of fluffy pancakes in the middle off the table, along with a steaming pile of bacon and sausage. She put a wonderfully aromatic cheese and bell pepper omelet in front of Jemilla who smiled her appreciation. Emberly squeezed her shoulder and disappeared into the kitchen to fetch Keeri's omelet.

"She's such a sweetheart," Jemilla commented, watching Zazz pile three pancakes, four slices of bacon, and five sausages onto her plate before drowning the whole thing in syrup. _Jeez Zazz have some self-control, _Keeri thought_. You're going to scare Jemilla away eating like a cavewoman. _Jemilla finally took a bite out of her omelet once Zazz had her plate, "And such a good cook!" she exclaimed.

"Mhmm," was all Zazz could reply, cheeks bulging, a bit of syrup dripping down her chin.

"You have a little something there."

Zazz's eyes widened and Jemilla just laughed as she grabbed her napkin to wipe it for her. She just hoped the girl couldn't feel how hot her face was.


	8. Chapter 8

After breakfast Zazzalil and Jemilla returned upstairs to get ready for the park. Zazz let her guest shower first.

"You're gonna be okay in there right?" she asked as both girls stood in front of the bathroom door. Her eyes shifted to Jemilla's leg for a brief second.

"Yes. I promise that you don't have to watch me shower," Jemilla replied with a wink as she stepped into the bathroom. Zazz blushed a deep red all the way down to her collarbones. She waited for the shower to turn on before padding down the hall back to her room. Keeri was playing with Snarl, the ginger house cat. She smirked when the small girl entered.

"Wow, what's with the tomato face?"

"Shut up," said Zazz falling face-first into her pillow. Unfortunately for her, Keeri never shut up.

"So, are you excited for your daaaaaaate?" she teased.

She lifted her head, "It isn't a date. Besides, it's YOUR fault we're going alone. What was that shit you pulled with Tiblyn anyway?"

"Oh nothing." Her sister's voice dripped with mock innocence. Zazz flipped onto her back, covering her face with her hands.

"Ugh Keeriiiiiii," she whined, "What am I gonna doooooooo?"

Keeri had never seen her like this before. "Oh my god. Pull yourself together. This is JEMILLA we're talking about. After all you guys have been through, you don't have to impress her. Just be yourself. You said you wanted her to have a good time this weekend. Show her that."

She pondered this for a moment. "Yeah, you're right. When did you get so smart?"

Keeri shrugged, picked up Snarl, and disappeared to Tiblyn's room. Jemilla returned a few minutes later looking much more put together than last night. She was wearing a pair of purple leggings and a black tunic. Her freshly combed, yet wet, hair hung in loosely around her face. _God she's gorgeous. As a fri—aw who am I kidding? _

"…now?" Shit. Jemilla had been talking and she had been staring. Again.

"Er…"

The taller girl put her hands on her hips. "Zazzalil did you hear anything I said?"

"You…uh…you"

"Asked if you were going to shower now," she finished, smirking.

"Right! Yep. Yes. Gonna go shower. Mhmm. Just gonna…do…that," she said backing out of the room and shooting the girl finger guns. Jemilla shook her head and laughed.

In the bathroom, Zazz almost smacked herself for being so lame.

/

It was a warm day for late November. The wind was chilly but required nothing more than a light jacket. Leaves crunched under the two girls' feet as they walked to the park. Zazz had dressed in dark red skinny jeans and a plain, white V-neck tee. She could have sworn she saw Jemilla's eyes scan her when she entered the room, but it was probably just her imagination. She also carried a backpack containing her hoodie (Jemilla had grabbed a brown leather jacket out of her car as they left), a blanket, some snacks, bread for the ducks, and two bottles of water.

They kept the conversation light as they started across the grass towards the pond. Since it was Saturday and the weather wasn't terrible, the park was more densely populated than the first time Zazz had texted Jemilla. That was almost a month ago. It was crazy how much things changed.

They arrived on the bank of the pond to find, to Zazz's dismay, no ducks. Jemilla assured her it was okay and suggested they just take a walk around the pond instead. Zazzalil agreed, continuing their conversation.

"So, let me get this straight," she said as she walked backwards next to Jemilla who had her hands clasped behind her back. "You're—"

"Bisexual."

"Right. And poly-poly—"

"Polyamorous."

"Yeah that. Explain to me what that means again?"

Jemilla sighed and shot her a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you look. They'd been over this at least twice.

"It means I can fall in love with more than one person. It's never happened, but I'm open to it."

"Oh. Well that's cool," Zazz replied, looking like she still didn't completely understand.

"What about you?" Jemilla asked, watching an old couple try to fish the far bank of the pond while a little boy ran around with a kite nearby.

"I-woah!" Zazz had tripped over a rock she couldn't have seen coming. She reached for Jemilla as she fell, made contact with her jacket, and accidently caused the girl to fall on top her. There was a moment of stunned silence as they lay on the ground before Jemilla propped herself up.

"Are you okay?" she asked. She was holding her weight off Zazz but hadn't gotten up. Zazzalil stared up into her big, confident hazel eyes, trying to catch her breath for more reasons than one.

"Yeah. Fine," she breathed finally. "I'm sorry."

Jemilla assured her that it was okay and sat back on her knees so Zazz was free to prop herself up on her elbows. She suggested they just picnic there since they were already sitting down. Zazz agreed and turned to unpack her bag. Jemilla started howling with laughter.

"What?" Zazz said.

"Y-y-your hair!" she snorted.

"My hair?" She reached back into her ponytail and pulled something out of it. A leaf. She felt around. There were so many more. Jemilla regained control over herself.

"Let's get the blanket down and I can help you with that bird's nest of yours. Then again, if we leave it, the ducks might come back," she snickered. Zazz stuck her tongue out at her.

She sat with her back to Jemilla, watching the ripples the wind made on the dark water as she pulled debris from her hair. The short haired girl seemed to be taking her sweet time, but she definitely didn't mind.

"There," Jemilla said after a while, "Last one." She ran her fingers through her hair one last time. Just to make sure of course.

Zazz thanked her but instead of moving just leaned back against the taller girl, resting her head on her shoulder. Jemilla was shocked for a second but didn't protest. She wrapped her arms around her and rested her chin on the top of her head. They stayed like that, quietly watching the sunset. Zazzalil traced lazy circles on Jemilla's knee.

"About our conversation earlier," Jemilla said eventually.

"Hmm?" Zazz replied contently. She had been falling asleep.

"About my sexuality."

"Oh yeah."

"Before you fell," Zazz could hear the smile in her voice and knew she was trying not to laugh again, "I was asking about yours."

"Oh yeah," she repeated, shifting uncomfortably.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. The truth is, I don't really know. I haven't actually put a label on it or anything but," she bit her lip, thankful Jemilla couldn't see her face, "I know I like girls."

"Okay. Awesome."

"And," she took a deep, shaky breath, attempting to gather her courage. She hoped she was reading this moment right. "I know I like you."

A beat. Zazzalil's heart pounded in her chest. She couldn't believe she'd actually said it. She was just starting to regret it when,

"I like you too, Zazz."

She didn't have time to react before she felt Jemilla gently grab her chin, tilt her face up, and plant a light, but sure kiss on her lips. It was short and sweet. When she pulled away Zazz looked into her face to see her own feelings of love and admiration reflected back at her.


End file.
